Email Forwards: 07/01/2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

FW: On the lighter side..

Warm Regards -- Saptarshi
---------------------------------------------

From: Subhashree.Pal
Sent: Friday, 24 July, 2009 12:52 PM
Subject: On the lighter side..

India holds a certain sense of mystery for the world outside its borders... read on to find how curious foreigners are about India and its ways... or rather read on to find out how dumb and ignorant they are about our beautiful country .. this was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India ....

The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.

Q : Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:   Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q:   Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:   Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa . Come naked.

Q:   Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q:   Can I bring cutlery into India ? (   UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:   Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tues day night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q:   Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:   Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q:   I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:   Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q:   Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

      Q:   Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )
       A:    As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dave and the married couples

Warm Regards -- Saptarshi
---------------------------------------------

From: Subhashree
Sent: Wednesday, 22 July, 2009 3:18 PM
Subject: Joke

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."

The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."

The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"

Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"

Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"

Have a Great Day!

Subhashree

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Saturday, July 11, 2009

Fwd: FW: Really nice ... read on!

Great one!

Warm regards -- Saptarshi
-----------------------------------------------------------
Saptarshi Das
Mobile: 9773115153
Email: saptitude@gmail.com
Blogs:
http://saptitude.blogspot.com/
http://fwd-re.blogspot.com/
-----------------------------------------------------------

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <Subhashree.Pal>
Date: 2009/7/9
Subject: FW: Really nice ... read on!
To:

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..

What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.

But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.

So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took

4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'

education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in

Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.

Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe.As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to ACCENTURE The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of ACCENTURE So Just be urself......

u never knw wats ahead of u.......

Be Honest and Original...............true to urself!!

Fwd: interesting

Really interesting!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Debapriya Das

Date: 2009/7/10
Subject: Fwd: interesting
To: Arijit Guha, Beauty Banerjee, Debalina Sarkar, Jasmeeta, Koyel Chakraborty, Moumanjari, pradipta chakrabarty, Pukan, Saptarshi Das, Senjuti Mukherjee, Sriya , Subhadeep Sengupta, Sumana Manna

--- On Sat, 6/27/09, Sanchaita Mitra wrote:

From: Sanchaita Mitra
Subject: Fwd: interesting
To:
Date: Saturday, June 27, 2009, 12:45 PM

av

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Senani Choudhuri <>
Date: Jun 27, 2009 11:24 AM
Subject: interesting
To:

On August 7 , 2009

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Amaze your friends, be the first to tell them ...

At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August

this year, the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

I guess, this won't happen again in our life time! wow :-)

--
Thanks and Regards
Sanchaita MITRA

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